Friday, August 15, 2014

Friday Hound Blogging

Oh overlords, you scamps! You rascals! We take a couple weeks off to organize our Stoli inventory and you go out and make all sorts of mischief. It's almost like you were waiting for our backs to be turned so you could go nuclear with herp, derp and D'oh. On the other hand, nuclear herp, derp and D'oh is kind of your default setting, so maybe these last couple of weeks haven't been that different. Whatever. Let's sample some of the offerings on the overlord buffet.

First up, everyone's favorite sinkhole of despair and futility, Tucson Deathcamp for Greyhounds. Stop us if you've heard this one before (and if you haven't you must have just teleported in from Ishanna V).
Tucson - It may be the worst financial news yet for Tucson Greyhound Park. The News 4 Tucson Investigators have obtained the latest financial investigation report on TGP. It says the track net's loss in 2013 was $544,000. The audit was conducted by a private firm and was part of the track's license renewal process. Other key audit findings:

-TGP did not produce a profit in the last five years
-The track does not have sufficient current assets to meet its current liabilities
-TGP cannot sustain future viability if its Florida owners don't put more money into it
 In other news, duh. TGP is to losing money as ducks are to wet feet, Kim Kardashian is to cameras and the Cubs are to last place. On a personal note, that last example pains up deeply. As young Ironici we spent many a bright and happy afternoon within the friendly confines of Wrigley Field. You should know though, that being a Cubs fan isn't about winning (in other news, duh) it's about...well, it's the Cubs man, our Cubbies. That and the futile struggle for success against insurmountable obstacles and overwhelming forces deployed against you. (Plus, no bullpen)

Where were we? Oh yeah, the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a travesty whose time has passed and needs to be consigned to the trash heap of history along with stocks in the town square, bleeding sick people and reading goat entrails. Everybody knows that. Oops, maybe not.
Rather than openly push for the expansion of gambling, many of those behind this effort have pushed for the elimination of live greyhound racing at greyhound racetracks in the name of "dog safety." The real goal is to operate the tracks as mini-casinos with slot machines despite the fact that the tracks were approved only for operation as greyhound racing facilities.
OMG! OMG! CONSPIRACY!  Break out the tinfoil headgear! Somebody call Agent Mulder! It's pretty obvious the the Illuminati are behind this somewhere because as the author of the piece, Mr. Jeff Kottkamp, who was Florida's 17th lieutenant governor (which he said) and lobbyist for the Florida Greyhound Association (which he didn't say)  points out, saying this is all about "dog safety" is pretty much a transparent ruse because it's pretty obvious when it comes to things that are important, "dog safety" is right up there with making sure the kennels are clean and well maintained, the track is attractive and free of unsightly distractions, and the crowds are welcomed.  So if it's not about "dog safety" what is it about? Well, to answer a question like that we're going to need someone with an astute sense of business, entrepreneurial talent and  a nose for profit. Someone like Milton McGregor.
As people nationwide bet less and less money on greyhound races, dog tracks around the country are having to find other ways to cope with that falling revenue. But in Alabama, Birmingham Race Course owner Milton McGregor says his course is at a disadvantage when competing for gambling dollars.
Ha! there it is. The greyhound exploitation industry is being unfairly hobbled in the free market. Nefarious forces are aligned against the overlords and something must be done to allow them to compete on a fair and level field. But what could that be Mr. McGregor? 
"The people in other states who I've talked to are absolutely amazed and dumbfounded that our state government hasn't done something in terms of allowing other forms of gaming for the tracks in Alabama," McGregor, the majority owner of the Jefferson County Racing Association, which operates the course, said.
Of course. It's Occam's razor. The best solution is the simplest. So to save greyhound racing we must allow people to bet on something other than greyhound racing. It's so clear now. Thank you , Mr. McGregor for your trenchant analysis.

Oh, and one last thing before we get back to our Stoli inventory--for those of you who may be seeking employment:
The Iowa Greyhound Association is soliciting resumes for a person to help coordinate greyhound racing in Dubuque next year.
Qualifications will include lack of empathy, low self esteem and inability to read the writing on the wall. Experience as a sociopath a plus. Criminal background check is required, but don't worry, we'll take what we can get.

Hmmm. What do you think Gent? We know you're retired, but do you have any friends looking for work?

I love everybody I meet. I am laid back and not afraid of anything. I will come when you call me. I am housebroken. I love dogs of all sizes. I have not met any kitties but since I love small dogs, I think I would like kitties too. I walk great on my leash. I can go up and down the stairs but I am still a little clumsy so I need a little work. I love to throw my toys up in the air and chase them around the house.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

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