This concludes your lesson in the classics for today and brings us back to Janus. When last we met our Stoli infused gaze was cast back over the concluding year in which we highlighted for you our esteemed reader(s) overlord accomplishments which pretty much amounted to avoiding any kind of positive contribution to society, so this week we thought we'd peer into the future and try to discern what to burgeoning 12 months have in store.
It's not good news folks. We mean, when right out of the box, the first headline of the year reads Greyhound Racing Has A New Foe you have to figure the line of people pointing out that overlords are to a civilized society as grapenuts are to an internal combustion engine is just going to get longer. Oh, don't bother clicking on the link, it's one of those subscription only things, so we have unleashed our madd intertoob skillz to bring you all the juicy parts:
The Dubuque Area Chamber of Commerce on Friday implored area state legislators to alter state law to allow Dubuque to end greyhound racing at the city-owned Mystique Casino. The City of Dubuque made the same pitch last month as part of its legislative agenda.You see that overlords? The Freakin' Chamber of Freakin' Commerce is against the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit. The Chamber of Commerce man. The guys whose motto is anything for a buck are telling you even they can't go that low. And then, just when you think they're done pointing out that your occupation is a boil on the buttocks of the great state of Iowa, along comes the City of Dubuque to tell you that they don't mind owning the city dump where everyone leaves their garbage and they don't mind owning all the water treatment plants that take care of everyone's poop, but you have to go 'cause they can't stomach owning a greyhound track.
Dang, man! There are serial killers with more friends than you. OK, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration because you do still have one friend.
Longtime Iowa Rep. Pat Murphy, on the other hand, said he will vote against removing the requirement... "I've been opposed to the elimination of greyhound racing and here's why: I'm a twisted little man who has all the empathy of a wounded scorpion. I was raised by an ex SS officer and Lizzy Borden. My hobbies are pulling the wings off of butterflies and drowning cats."
Hmm...our advice? Don't ask him for a reference letter when you start looking for that next job. Well, for you it will be that first job, but still, not a good idea.
Iowa Senate President Pam Jochum on the other hand, remained supportive of the effort. "(Greyhound racing) just hasn't worked. It's just not something a lot of people want to do anymore, like it or not. It's just a reality," Jochum said. "There aren't enough people placing bets. Time to let it go."Senator Jochum attributed the decline of greyhound racing to increased levels of adult literacy, improved child nutrition and assessable medical care. "I'm sure it was more popular back when people still ate tree bark," she said. "But we've just moved on, you know?"
Only one other Iowa casino -- in Council Bluffs -- has greyhound racing. That casino also seeks an end to the racing requirement."You think we want to be the only place in the state that does this stuff?" said a casino spokesperson. "Cripes man, do I look like I have cauliflower for brains? Wait, don't answer that. The point is we want to be the last greyhound track in Iowa about as much as you want to be one of Chris Christie's hemorrhoids."
Yeah, well that is a point don't you think Mcconder?
Even though I am four years old, I am very playful and puppy-like. I am a very sweet boy. I am outgoing and love to follow my foster mom all over the house. I have so much fun playing with my stuffies and running from room-to-room to see what is going on. I don’t live with kitties at my foster home but I love the tiny dogs that live next door so I would probably be fine living with kitties if you have them. I get along wonderful with the two Greyhounds that live at my foster home. I am housebroken and don’t mind being in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.
Cloud update: This boy is a real pup, and by that we mean he's not quite two years old yet, so he's full off puppy energy. Also full of love, so if you have room on your couch this boy's for you. He's cat and small dog safe.