Hello, Office Of Government Responsiveness. Please Hold The Line Until Pigs Fly

Well the holidays are upon us once again. That season of peace and joy when we try to set aside our differences and listen to the better angels of our nature; when we pause to reflect on what is truly important, what really lasts and what actually matters.

We know this because people are being stabbed at Walmart, not to mention beat up, trampled and arrested.

Gives a whole new meaning to the war on Christmas, huh?

Which brings us to the subject of this little missive: Perplexity. It seems some of the people who are first on their block to get the manger scene set up in their front yard next to the 30 foot, lighted flagpole flying the stars and stripes 24/7 are also the ones bopping their fellow christians over the head to get them to let go of that flat screen. This is odd. We're told America is the most medicated nation in the world, but apparently those drugs aren't going where they're most needed.

And that's not all that's perplexing us about christians. Enter Rick Santorum. This guy's been a christian since Jesus was a corporal.  Now, as far as we know, he's not out concussing his fellow shoppers, but he does seem to want to bogart all the birth control.

Former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum (R) on Sunday insisted that President Barack Obama was imposing his beliefs on corporations and preventing them from exercising their “right” to deny women contraception coverage in health care plans.

 Now, we know that "corporations are people too" but we also know, as Baron Thurlow in England is supposed to have said, "They have no soul to save, and they have no body to incarcerate" so why are you so concerned with their ability to exercise their "beliefs" Mr. Santorum?

“I mean, the idea that the First Amendment stops after you walk out of church, that it doesn’t have anything to do with how you live the rest of your life, I don’t know very many people of faith that believes that their religion ends with just worship,” Santorum explained. “It ends in how you practice and live that faith.”

 See what we mean? Mr. Santorum apparently believes that after services Exxon walks out of the pews, pausing to congratulate the Reverend on an inspiring sermon, then heads out into the day to what? Dump fracking fluid all over the countryside?

Perplexing. Which brings us to Tom Brower whose idea of spreading Christmas cheer is to find homeless people and smash their stuff.

“I want to do something practical that will really clean up the streets,” he explained to Hawaii News Now as he showed off his property destruction skills while sporting an Armani Exchange hat.

 And in true What Would Jesus Do fashion, Mr. Brower explains his incredible act of selflessness during this time of tolerance and brotherhood:

Noting that he’s “disgusted” with homeless people, Brower told the Honolulu Star-Advertiser about his own personal brand of “justice”: “If I see shopping carts that I can’t identify, I will destroy them so they can’t be pushed on the streets.” Brower has waged this campaign for two weeks, estimating that he’s smashed about 30 shopping carts in the process.

 We feel obligated to note that those shopping carts most likely belong to some poor corporation somewhere, no doubt busily singing in the church choir while Mr. Brower roams the city like some unbalanced Don Quixote, tilting at...well, let's just say tilted and leave it at that.

Of course the homeless factor in here somewhere as well, but since they have neither lobbyists, lawyers nor politicians, it's not like they are actual, legal people you know? With rights? Not like Hobby Lobby or something.

We mean, talk about persecution...

Can a company deliberately exclude health insurance coverage of the morning after pill for its employees, in the name of freedom of religion? That’s a question the US Supreme Court could take up on Tuesday when it decides whether to hear a case pitting a chain of craft stores against President Barack Obama’s signature health care law. The Obama administration is challenging the refusal of Hobby Lobby Stores to underwrite coverage for certain contraceptive methods. The family-owned chain based in Oklahoma says it manages its business “in a manner consistent with biblical principles.”

Hey Mr. Brower. Hope none of those carts you smashed belonged to Hobby Lobby. As we recall one of those "biblical principles" was eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. Just a heads up.

See this is perplexing us because until people like Rick Santorum and such came along we didn't realize  the government isn't allowed t to spend tax money on stuff you don't like. We've been wondering whom to call and say we don't want our tax money spent on blowing up Afghani children, but would prefer it went to some more constructive purpose, like, say replacing the shopping carts Mr. Brower busts up, or even better, getting apartments for homeless people. Can't seem to find the number of that particular department though.