Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Plain As The Nose On Your Face Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The PATNOYFD is a division of the Somebody Buy These People A Clue Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Stupid Is As Stupid Does, LLC.

It seems the West Virginia chapter of our ongoing experiment in the Dunning Kruger effect* on governance is having some trouble figuring out the will of the people when it comes to the continued exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit.

Despite a push by the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association to eliminate greyhound racing and provide dog owners with a buyout, the first session of the 82nd Legislature failed to address the state’s greyhound racing fund, largely due to numerous complications on the subject, according to lawmakers.

 When asked to describe some of those complications, Senate Finance Chairman Mike Hall, R-etarded said, "Well when you have people from both inside and outside of racing telling us to end it we're not really sure what to do. I mean, on the one hand you have representative government reflecting the will of the people. And on the other hand you have us."

The session featured some discussion on the once-popular greyhound fund after a report was released by an animal rights organization in January, Grey2K USA released a report which found that subsidies from the state’s casino video lottery profits account for more than 95 percent of greyhound racing revenues. Although the greyhound industry had a $31 million economic impact on West Virginia in 2012, state subsidies accounted for $29 million, the study noted.

"Now, I know it looks like it's costing $29 million to get $2 million," Hall said. "But that's just because math is involved. You can't really expect us to use stuff like that when it comes to proposing legislation. Come on, this is the Finance Committee for crying out loud."

Following the study’s release, the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association introduced bills in the House of Delegates and the Senate in hopes of providing financial restitution to those who invested in the greyhound industry. The Senate bill sought a $37.5 million buyout, which association President Sam Burdette said would provide dog owners and breeders a return on their investment while also ending greyhound racing this year.

"Other states have paid us to go away," Burdette said. "I don't see why things should be any different here. Bottom line is you get rid of the heartless cruelty that we call greyhound racing, the dogs are released to live out their lives as pets rather than commodities, and those of us who sucked our leech-like living off the continued injury and deaths of hundreds of animals trapped in the meat grinder of a dying industry fade away like that heartburn you had last night. It's win win man."

Sen. Daniel Hall, R-etrograde, told the Daily Mail on Wednesday that his colleagues were conflicted. “Do you cut them off cold turkey, do a partial phase out or a buyout?” he asked. “Nobody could come to a consensus as to what was the right thing to do.”

When asked to respond to Burdette's buy out proposal Hall replied, "Well sure that's what everyone wants, it's been done in Iowa and it would solve the problem, but we need time to study it so we can find a way to screw it up."

Further complicating matters was the fact that neither the governor’s office nor the House of Delegates weighed in on the matter, which essentially left the Senate as the only body to have significant discussions on greyhound racing this year.

"It's like we're expected us to take a leadership role here," Hall said. "I didn't become a state senator so I could effect positive change for crying out loud. Why do you think the people elected me?

Our guess is because they weren't paying enough attention. What's your take Ivy?

Sweet-natured little Ms. Ivy enjoys being with people whether it’s time to play or time to relax. Did someone mention getting out the squeaky toys and a ball or two? Ivy never misses an opportunity to have fun, and will need a home with a 6′ fence so she’s not tempted to find fun outside of her yard, and even helps tidy up afterwards by taking all toys to her bed. R&R time is good too, best done with her close by–naturally– since you never know when something might come along which would require some needle-nosed attention. Great company, that’s our Ms. Ivy!! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

*h/t Michigan Liberal

Friday Hound Blogging

Now, we're not ones to take credit where it's undeserved here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Well, unless we think no one can check that is (Telling Tom Cotton the capitol of Iraq is Tehran so he'd make a complete fool of himself? Totally us. Just saying). Anyway our point is we feel we have to take some credit for revitalizing the overlord campaign against reality. Last week you may recall (if you don't really have a life) that we were lamenting the apparent surrender of the overlords to the inevitability that they were going to have to join the labor pool sooner rather than later. We can only assume that our cry fell upon the sleeping overlord hoards like poop from a flock of passing geese because no less an overlord than the oft mentioned Gary Guccione himself has this week stepped forward to once again raise the banner of clueless obfuscation and deliberate misrepresentation.

But before we inflict the febrile excreta that passes for thought in Mr. G's world on you we'd like to take a minute to comment on the accompanying photo of our designated interlocutor. To wit:

We're going to pass over the obvious resemblance to a mug shot as we suspect that might be the G man's primary experience with having his photo taken and just say Gary! You have really let yourself go man! We mean, check out this photo from just a few years ago:

Dude! What happened? Apparently being the primary spokesperson for institutionalized cruelty and heartless exploitation takes its toll huh? We can only imagine what changes the next few years might bring:

But back to our story:

The March 7 Viewpoint regarding greyhound racing in Florida was a typical animal rights hit job – long on misrepresentation and short on facts. Groups like Grey2K USA and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals know that good animal care doesn't help them raise funds. There's big money in painting the industry in a negative light.

 OK, so open up by changing the subject. That's overlord strategy 3A we think. Right G? And about that "negative light" thing. Dogs are being injured and killed, abandoned and just generally mistreated. Any "light" at all on that is going to be fairly negative wouldn't you agree?

The fact is that greyhound racing has adopted rigorous animal care standards. Under the rules of the National Greyhound Association, people found guilty of mistreating or neglecting greyhounds or any other animals in their care are banned from greyhound racing for life, and others prohibited from doing business with them.

Hey, G man. Two words: Ursula O'Donnel. OK, two more: Herb Koerner. See a pattern here? 

It should be obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense that greyhounds would not be able to perform as they do on the track if they did not receive proper care. For example, industry standards require that greyhound crates must be large enough to permit the dogs to stand, sit, lie down and turn around comfortably. It would be counterproductive to house the greyhounds in improperly sized crates, since it would affect their muscle health and impair their ability to perform when racing.

Let's see if we have this right. Your definition of "proper care" is to give the units a crate big enough to turn around in for the 18 - 22 hours a day they are in there, that about right?  But on the bright side, the dogs are only in those crates as long as they're winning. Stop winning and they're dumped and replaced by another helpless victim...er...we mean properly cared for dog.

Greyhounds are exercised for extended periods at least four times daily, probably twice as often as the average family dog. These canine athletes expend huge amounts of energy when they run, so when not racing, they prefer to rest.

Yeah, but like we said a couple weeks ago, when all you can do is stand up and turn around "resting" is about your only option. Come on now G it's starting to sound like you're phoning it in. Give us something new OK? 

The diet fed to greyhounds includes the same meat products found in most commercial pet foods, as well as vegetables and cereal. Although the meat is not suitable for human consumption, it is perfectly healthy and safe for dogs, whose digestive systems are quite different from ours.

Really? The food thing again? G! You're disappointing us dude. Cooking man, the commercial pet foods are cooked to kill the pathogens, not the crap you dump on the poor greyhounds.  Now we're depressed. We really expected more G man. After all, you're the G man! The executive director of the National Greyhound Association, the official registry of greyhound racing in the United States! The whole US bro! Act like it. The other overlords are looking to you for inspiration. Now get out there and show us your stuff!

Animal rights groups also deceive when it comes to injuries. Only a fraction of one percent of all racing starts result in injuries to greyhounds, and the vast majority

OK, OK G. G? We're going to stop you right there because we've heard all this before and it doesn't sound any different just because the executive director says it. We got to tell you man, we're feeling pretty let down. Like we said last week, we kind of miss the good old days when the overlords actually believed if they said it, that made it true, so when we saw your name on the editorial we were pretty excited, but this is stuff that could have been written years ago--probably was written years ago back when you had more hair and it's the same load of delusional obfuscation and deliberate missing of the point today that it was back then. It's over G. It's really over. Stick a fork in him Nolan, he's done.

Nolan is a one year old male who came with his sister Nelly. Nolan can live with cats or small dogs, but we don't yet know if he can be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we have to admit that  we're getting a little tired of reporting on the latest overlord attempts to fend off reality. We mean, every time we slide over to the dog racing side of town to peek in on the latest trials and travails besetting the continuance of their leech-like existence all we see are well, trials and travails. It's bad news followed by more bad news and then, for a change of pace some really bad news. It's wearing us down folks and by the looks of it, it's wearing the overlords down too. It's almost like their heart isn't in it anymore and they're just going though the motions. For example, take this article:

Since 1991, 41 dog tracks have closed or ended live racing. One state after another has turned back the clock on this 20th century anachronism, and it is now illegal in 39 states. The disintegration of greyhound racing is partly due to increased awareness about animal welfare problems. Cruel dog-track conditions have been extensively documented, and were highlighted again this month with the release of the first national report on greyhound racing by humane groups GREY2K USA and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Now, at this point that's become almost boilerplate language when it comes to writing anything about the continued exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit and there was a time when the overlords would rise to the occasion to defend the heartless commodification of helpless greyhounds trapped in the industry deathcamps. But check out the comment by overlord Jan Dykema:

greyhounds were meant to run they are born to run..so let's see if they cannot run on the track can they chase rabbits and kill them how about chase cats and kill them.. can they do anything they were bred to do? or should they just be couch pets? A Greyhound is a very large animal high maintenance dog for a household. So if they cannot race they will become more rare than they are now and another breed will face extinction.. that is what you are doing to these dogs.. making then extinct.

 Really? That's it? That's the best you can come up with? If greyhounds don't race they'll go extinct? Ever hear of a backyard, or a dog park. Ever seen a greyhound with a stuffie? And "A Greyhound is a very large animal high maintenance dog for a household?" Say what? You talking about these greyhounds?

Et cetera ad infinitum...

Well, we think it's pretty obvious that the overlords' hearts just aren't in it anymore. They're mailing it in folks and who could blame them? They gave it their best shot, but that pesky old reality just kept jumping up and slapping them in the face. Still, we miss the old days when the overlords would attempt to prove, using geometric logic and advanced scientific experimentation that the continued injury and death of defenseless greyhounds bred only for the cruel and merciless industry in which they were used up then cast aside was, in fact, not happening and what people with souls could see right in front of them was, in fact, the exact opposite of what they thought they were seeing.

Ah, those were the good old days, but now it's come to this. Overlord Dykema sputters and pops like a used up jalopy on its last legs. She is, in fact, a metaphor for the whole industry--used up; on its last legs; and sputtering its way towards the trash heap of history. So long crazy overlord math where two plus two equals SHUT UP! So long ludicrous overlord science where the experimental outcome is always  LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU! And so long overlord apologists who stood against the tide of mercy and compassion like Monty Python's Black Knight and said "You Shall Not Pass" as we all walked by. You will not be missed. Hey Dante, want to wave bye bye?

Hello! My name is Dante. I am a handsome young greyhound with amber colored eyes. Just look into my eyes as you’re getting sleepier and sleepier. Good, it’s easy to be hypnotized as you gaze upon my beautiful picture! I am very easy going and love everybody, humans, cats, and dogs. I’m currently in foster learning house rules and loving it. I have great food and a soft bed. I also get hugs and kisses. I am a fast learner too and always go outside to do my business. I don’t like confined spaces so I will need access to the whole house. I am very loving and looking for the perfect family to call my own! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the slow erosion of expectation into acquiescence...erm...we mean will remember last week when we reported on the overlord backlash to the plethora of reports that they were, in fact, a raucous belch in the church of reason; a turd in the swimming pool of society; a chipped plate of leftover spam on the buffet table of humanity. Nay and Nay, the overlords cry. It is not we who wish to injure and kill innocent living creatures for (no) profit, it is you animal rights wackos! You who have worked so hard and so long to bring the inherent cruelty of what we do into the public spotlight! You who have devoted countless hours and untold sums of your own money rescuing, rehabilitating and rehoming dogs we cast off like like jetsam from a sinking ship! You who dare to tell us that we cling leech-like to an industry that died long ago and now zombie walks to the dustbin of history!

Logic has never been one of the overlords' strong suites. Anyway they're back this week with more reasons why up is down, black is white and stupid is the new smart.

The Florida Greyhound Association has decided to fight back, claiming that decoupling would not only be costly to the state, but also increase gambling. The FGA also has said that decouplng would harm greyhounds, saying that Grey2K and other advocates have no real plan to take care of the dogs should they be released from their respective race tracks.

OK, let's perform a little Ironicus Maximus exigesical presto chango on this and see if we can't clarify what's going on with what passes for reasoned discourse in the fetid swamp where the overlords go to birth their rationalizations. First, decoupling will cost the state more money. Well, this is pretty clearly an example of overlord math skills because currently the state has to maintain and support an entire bureaucratic division dedicated to watching over overlord shenanigans. Obviously if racing ended they would not have to fund that line in the budget so monies could go elsewhere, perhaps education or social services which would clearly cost...umm...the overlords because they would have to find other ways to convince people to give them money. Second, gambling will increase. This is easily demonstrable because if racing ends, all those people who don't gamble on it now will have to go somewhere else to not gamble. Third, ending racing will harm the greyhounds. This is perhaps the overlords' strongest argument because if you think about what they are saying--"decouplng would harm greyhounds, saying that Grey2K and other advocates have no real plan to take care of the dogs should they be released from their respective race tracks."-- it means if greyhound racing ends we are going to drop these dogs faster than old lady Dugger drops kids, we are going to abandon them faster than Scott Walker abandons his positions because we care deeply about them and always put their welfare first.

So, to sum up--Greyhound Racing! Motto: If you can't make money running the dogs, turn them into hostages. That about cover it Mya?

I am a very sweet and friendly girl. I am outgoing and love everyone I meet. I don’t know how to sit, as most Greyhounds don’t, but I will bow for food. I am a very smart girl. I have the typical Greyhound personality. I don’t mind being in my crate. I love dogs of all sizes and kitties too. I even live with a bird right now and I completely ignore him. I am housebroken. I love to play with my stuffed animals. I do great in the car and walk very well on a leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.