Friday, August 30, 2013

Friday Hound Blogging

We've been kind of depressed here in the marbled halls of IM Central since finding out last week that friend of the blog Tom (This place is a Taj Mahal of dog tracks ) Taylor had been shown the door. What could the overlords have been thinking, dumping a man who had done so much to improve the public image of greyhound exploitation? We mean, with his side kick Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) Tom had first flaunted, then broken all sorts of laws, until finally they just ignored laws completely. We're not sure there could have been a much better ambassador for the heartless killing and injuring of innocent living creatures for profit than old Tommy, unless it's the guy who forgot to dump the greyhound after they killed it, but in his defense we have to believe that the firing of Tommy has sent shock waves through the entire overlord world. We mean, when as revered and well known a figure in animal exploitation as Tommy can be cut down in the prime of his career like that, well, you just have to wonder who's next, right Melbourne Greyhound Park and Club 52 general manager, Pat Biddix?
The money flowing through Melbourne Greyhound Park and Club 52 as a result of live dog races fell nearly 30 percent in the past year.And some — including the track’s general manager, Pat Biddix — see that as a positive. Biddix and many of his colleagues across the state would rather not have to offer live dog racing at their venues...
That's right. Time to circle the wagons. Time to show folks just how crucial the overlords are to the success of  an industry that treats living creatures like so many used toasters. Time to form a union maybe, or, wait, what?
“Nobody bets on dog racing,” said Biddix, adding that only a handful of people ever show up to watch live dog races .“And we gave up trying to promote it,” he said. “It’s a product that’s old.”
Holy Crap! Even the overlords don't want to be overlords anymore. And what's this old thing? What do you mean old dude? You're dumping greyhounds two years old or younger on adoption groups because they're not fast enough to make you money.  Heck, some greyhounds never even make it to their first birthday because you don't think they'll ever be competitive. Where you getting this old thing?
“Melbourne is right, they’re not making money off of it,” said Dennis Tyler, of Greyhound Pets of America of Central Florida Inc.
Oh, we get it. So when you say getting old you mean it's the idea that we can make our living sucking a few bucks off the backs of the dogs that's getting old. Shoot man, we could have told you that years ago, but we're glad to see you finally saved up enough money to buy a clue, right Knight?

I am very laid back and am having a wonderful time learning to live in a home. I take everything in stride. I love to go outside and play. I also love going for walks and do very well on the leash. I don’t really like being in my crate. I love larger dogs but I haven’t met any small ones yet. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Laura Ingraham! Motto: Class? That's A Room Students Sit In

OK so we are celebrating the 50th anniversary Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech here in post racial America--when we aren't shooting black kids for buying Skittles that is, and everybody and his black friend have taken to the airways to profess their affection for fried chicken, to celebrate the day in song, and to take advantage of the internet and social media to spread the word that equality has descended on the nation like white sheets on on a Ku Klux Klan meeting.

Even Laura Ingraham--one of the leading lights of modern conservative thought known for her biting wit and cogent political analysis--was moved to acknowledge the day by inviting well known civil rights advocate Pat Buchanan on to her show to discuss the historical implications of the day.

Now, you might think that inviting Pat Buchanan to talk about civil rights is sort of like inviting Josef Mengele to talk about medical research, but that's just because you have an outdated and incorrect definition of the term civil rights.
Ingraham's guest Buchanan recently appeared on Fox News to distort black-on-white crime rates and imply that African Americans are an inherently violent race. On the radio, the two bemoaned the idea that, in Buchanan's words, "white males are the only group ... against whom it's legitimate to discriminate against."
See, civil rights is about disempowered groups trying to get an equal share of the pie and no one is more disempowered than white guys. Just ask Jamie Dimon, Mitt Romney, or the nearly 85% of white men that run and sit on the boards of Fortune 500 companies. But to her credit, Ingraham did take a couple of minutes out of her discussion with Buchanan on the plight of the white man to play part of the speech by Representative John Lewis--who got his head cracked open by a state trooper in 1965. Let's give a listen.

Well, there you go. Fair and Balanced.  A little choppy maybe, but still. Oh, and if you're wondering about the sound effect she used to segue out of the clip? Yeah, it was the sound of a gunshot. Now before you go getting all up on your high horse about her choice of transitions it was just her way of paying homage to Dr. King (shot April 4, 1968). It was the white thing to do.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Friday Hound Blogging

Oh what the heck, let's do FHB again, whaddaya say? And what better way to spend a beautiful late summer day than visiting with our old friend Tom (this place is the Taj Mahal of dog tracks) Taylor, head overlord at Tucson Deathcamp For Greyhounds.
Tucson's Greyhound Park has a new interim CEO after its former one was let go. But it's not because of anything having to do with the dogs at the south side track. For 12 years, former CEO Tom Taylor ran things at Greyhound Park. After many controversies, he was shown the door on July 3.
 Ah, Tommy. It's been a while huh? We were just...wait, what?
Taylor says he was already planning on retiring in January but the owners wouldn't let him stick it out.
Tommy fired? OH NOES!!eleventy!!!. How can this be? Who will protect the dogs now? Is this the final chorus in the overly long death dirge of TGP? Have we finally come to that last farewell, that final good bye, that long sought victory of people with souls over those perambulating sacks of semi-sentient cruelty who think killing and maiming innocent living creatures for dollars is a career. Uh. We mean, is the track closing? Are the other overlords on the way out too? Please explain the situation to us Tucson Weekly reporter Tim Vanderpool.
A melancholy lingers around Tucson Greyhound Park, the residual from fans who abandoned this track in droves.
Well, that doesn't sound encouraging.  Or maybe it does, depending on if you were actually born with human traits like empathy, sympathy and compassion or not.
But even in its twilight, Tucson's track still raises a ruckus. Much of this turmoil dates from a 2008 ordinance passed by voters in the city of South Tucson. Ever since those laws were enacted, the track has relentlessly mocked them.
Hey, come on reporter Tim. If the track is on the way out it's time to start thinking about legacy, you know? And what better legacy for a place that saw the meaningless injury and death of so many helpless greyhounds over the years than to stick your finger in the eye of anyone trying to make it a little better for the dogs. So what is the nature of this legacy?
It installed Crock-Pots in the kennels, for instance, claiming they were being used to cook the raw meat—an assertion even the meat's producer, Victory Greyhound Feed of La Motte, Iowa, called far-fetched. To dodge the steroid ban, dogs were injected in a parking lot just beyond the South Tucson city limits. But that parking lot was within the city of Tucson, prompting Ward 6 Councilman Steve Kozachik to have the injections banned within metro Tucson as well. Pima County soon followed. These mounting prohibitions might lead observers to conclude that dog doping has ended at Tucson Greyhound Park. Yet a July 11 inspection of its kennels found that not a single female dog—out of 202 checked—was currently in heat.
Now, those are some pretty serious accusations there reporter Tim. You know, don't you that activities at TGP are closely monitored by the Arizona Department of Racing and their job is to make sure that all the pain and suffering inflicted on greyhounds is on the up and up, right?
Here's where things get hinky: The Arizona Department of Racing demands to be notified of any pending Pima Animal Care Center inspections at Greyhound Park and there have been suspicions that state officials might be tipping the track off. Adding to this is the department's inherent conflict of interest, given that its own budget consists of racing proceeds.
Are you suggesting that the conflict of interest between the regulator, who is paid by the regulatee has lead to shenanigans? We are shocked, we tell you SHOCKED!
If that weren't weird enough, PACC must also rely on drug-testing results from the Department of Racing—which does not prohibit anabolic steroids.
Well, actually reporter Tim that first part was weird enough for us. Now we're just getting silly, but we think we see where you are going with this. These are all the reasons overlord Taylor was dumped, right? Now they're bringing in a guy to clean things up. Gonna be a new sheriff in town boys. Time to straighten up and fly right.
Filling Taylor's position is Tony Fasulo, who arrives toting his own questionable credentials. It so happens that Fasulo was the track's CEO in 2005, when it released 150 greyhounds to Colorado-based dog transporter Richard Favreau. Nearly all of those dogs later disappeared. According to records, Fasulo knew beforehand that Favreau's transport license had already been suspended by Colorado racing officials, after he'd been caught selling dogs for research without permission from their owners.
 Sounds like a little muck raking there reporter Tim. We're sure the situation was more complicated than that. Will you give Mr. Fasulo a chance to defend himself?
When we called Fasulo to ask about the Favreau scandal, he quickly hung up.
Oh. Uh, well on the bright side he's already smarter that Tom Taylor  who every time he opened his mouth just convinced more people that TGP was a hellhole and he was a monster, so, things are looking up right Wanderer?

I am a laid-back, gentle boy. I was trained in the prison system and can sit, down, and wait. I do stairs very well and love to get brushed and petted. I love attention and will follow you around, but can also be left home alone for long periods without trouble. I am well-mannered and will do great in a home with older children. You need to keep garbage closed up as I will try to get into it. When my foster mom puts my food down, I wait until I hear “OK” and then I will approach the bowl. I am good with stairs. I ride in car OK, but I am unsteady because I don’t want to lay down. I mind well. I really like to run in the yard. I will sit for a treat and lay down. You can touch my feet and body with no problems. I love to be brushed and get my ears cleaned. I am really not very interested in playing with toys. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

After What Happened To The Egyptians Just Be Glad All He Did Was Lay You Off

Frequent readers of this blog have probably begun to question their priorities of late...erm...we mean probably recall the occasional post on our adventures in the church catholic. Yes we were conscripted into Peter's Posse at an early age, yet in spite of the years of theological calisthenics at Sunday mass, and in spite of eventually gaining enough proficiency with Latin to call an entire CYO inter-church basketball game in god's own tongue (Ille propagines...Ipse Turpis!! Vinco Catulis!! Vinco Catulis!!) eventually the whole body and blood of Christ thing really began to creep us out. Add to that the fact that we spent most of every fall selling 29 cent plastic statues of the Virgin Mary (made in Taiwan) for five bucks until we met our nun assigned quota and were deemed once again worthy of salvation, and the seeds of our discontent were sown. The final insult came in sixth grade though when our very first dog, Tuffy died and we sought solace in mother church. Morn not, we were told. Dogs don't have souls, so no harm no foul. So, thinks us, not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without god knowing about it, but apparently he just records the information so he can send a clean up crew. That's the point at which we walked.

We tell you this bilingual tale of  woe to establish our bona fides for commenting on the fact the the erstwhile pope red shoes has popped up like a Kardashian whenever a camera flash goes off  and he's got a reason for his withdrawal from toiling in the vineyards of the blessed: god told him.
Former Pope Benedict has said he resigned after "God told me to" during what he called a "mystical experience", a Catholic news agency reported.
Now, we've commented before on the rather slippery doctrine of papal infallibility so we can almost accept the whole, I thought I knew what I was doing, but it turns out not so much theory that you have going there, but at the risk of incurring a haunting by the ghost of our sixth grade catechism teacher Sister place your hand flat on the desk Arnulfa we have to ask how you explain that the big G put you in that job in the first place. We mean, if anybody in this picture is infallible it has to be him.

And what's this "mystical experience" thing? You were sitting in your apartment one day and suddenly the TV starts talking to you? And it's not even on. And what did the big guy say anyway? "Bene, I know I said you had this gig for life, but times change, you know and I feel we just need to move in a different direction. Now, let's talk severance."
According to Italian media, Benedict's decision to step down was influenced by the various scandals that blighted his eight-year papacy, including the arrest of his personal butler for leaking private documents alleging corruption in the Vatican.
Yeah. Well, there is that.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Rory Goree! Motto: Words Is Hard

We're coming to you today from the Projection Booth here in the marbled (if somewhat cobwebby) halls of IM Central. The Projection Booth is located just behind the office of I Know You Are But What Am I which is in the Kruger-Dunning wing.

It seems long time friend of the blog, roustabout scientist and dedicated civil servant Rory Goree has taken to the intertoobz to opine on the nature of professionalism, propriety and transparency. We know, you're thinking isn't this the guy who had to publicly apologize for making fun of a woman who had been in a near fatal accident? Yeah, well see, when you're a classless, misogynistic twit and you let everybody know it by making public statements like that, it's being transparent, you know? Gives the dude some street cred for his post.

And speaking of his post, let's go see what the G man is on about today.
We all know “humane advocate protectors” hide the truth about themselves, their real identities or their agenda from public scrutiny as they troll for comments from anyone that is against them or questions their activities and actions.
OK we're going to have to stop you right there Rory--may we call you Rory? Or would you prefer Commissioner Goree, since your vast experience and expertise have landed you a coveted position with the Arizona Department of Racing? Anyway, as professional educational technicians we feel obligated to point out that grammatically a "humane advocate protector" is someone who protects humane advocates. Now we see you've put that term in quotes throughout your post which tells us that you put a lot of thought into coming up with it, and you're quite proud of your efforts. If only you could have made it to that sixth grade English class and learned about modifiers...

But let's get back to our story, shall we? The rest of the paragraph is a list of rhetorical questions vaguely casting aspersions on an unnamed anti-racing group (wink Grey2K wink) and since The Big G is writing only to people who already agree with him, he can be pretty sure the questions will be answered the way he intends, thus saving him the effort of having to come up with that pesky evidence.

Probably it occurs to you that attacking the character of an organization through innuendo while not even having the courage to name said organization is not a very professional thing to do in a post on professionalism, but that's just because you have missed the sophistication of Overlord Goree's argument. See the first part was just chum to draw the like minded in. Now that everyone is soaking in a fine soup of delusional indignity he unleashes his Call To Action:
Fellow lovers of the greyhound breed, it is time to stop the “humane advocate protectors” who do not use their donations to assist a single greyhound, yet hide behind thousands of greyhounds in order to collect donations that pay their salaries and expenses and to spread their agenda yet continue to claim anyone against them profits from greyhounds.
For those of you keeping score at home that is a 57 word sentence with more subjects than the overlords have excuses when people find out how they're actually taking "care" of the dogs, but let's not quibble because it's the last 14 words that bring the whole muddled collection of baling wire and duct tape crashing to the ground. This unnamed (wink Grey2K wink) group claims those against them profit from greyhounds, but isn't that the whole point of greyhound racing, to, you know, profit from greyhounds? Are you saying you really don't profit from greyhounds and this unnamed (wink Grey2K wink) group is making false claims impugning your character and the character of your fellow overlords? Actually, now that we think of it, you may have a point about the whole no profit thing.

 We're going to have to admit to a little confusion here Gster. Can you help us out?
Continue to demand accountability and transparency from the “humane advocate protectors” and do it as the professional individuals you are. Stop them from using your words to play on the public for donations.
Ah, we get it. Accountability. So that means no more playing keep away with injury reports, right? And transparency. That means no more trying to make public documents unpublic, right? We got you now dude. Thanks for clearing that up.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, when we were putting the slip covers over the furniture and canceling the newspaper subscription here in the marbled halls of IM central, we really planned to walk away from our weekly trips to Overlandia. We mean, it is pretty obvious to anyone with the brains god gave wallpaper that greyhound racing is on the way out. Even some of the more sentient overlords are becoming aware that exploiting the innocent nature of the dogs to support their tick-like existence is coming to an end.

In fact, it's gotten so obvious that injuring and killing dogs for profit is a dead end scenario that even governments are getting involved. You've got to figure when a legislator, who usually spends his time protecting us from Sharia law, or Agenda 21 or making sure women have permission to make decisions about their bodies gets around to noticing your industry is a boil on the buttocks of society,  your contribution to the betterment of civilization has dropped somewhere just below the level of brain eating amoebas.

And when that state is West Virginia (motto: We Couldn't Even Come Up With A New Name For Our State) well, let's just say if there's anyone left on the planet that doesn't recognize the inherent barbarity, cruelty and inhumanity of your "sport" they have to be named either Gary Guccione, or Rory Goree.

So when we read that the state of West Virginia had finally decided that perhaps maybe it could be possible that conceivably greyhounds needed a little protection from the unique care and training practices of the overlords, we were intrigued and wondered what might be the source of this sudden epiphany.

Turns out there were three reasons: James Grace, James Bloom and Christopher Bever. Now, we here at IM Central can neither confirm, nor deny that Mr. Grace and Mr. Bloom have actual degrees in Veterinary Medicine, but we can certify that they have a rather unique way of treating greyhounds who happen to have broken a bone while providing the aforementioned individuals with trailer payments: aspirin. Mr. Bever, on the other hand employs some rather esoteric leash training methods which--and we apologize for having to use sophisticated dog training vocabulary here--are called jerk on the dog's leash and hit it in the face. You can see a video of Mr. Bever's work here.

Now we're sure some of you at home are thinking that seems like a pretty heartless way to treat a living creature, and that just shows how little you know about  the state of the art medical procedures and training techniques used by the overlords--who by the way care very deeply about their furry charges and view them as members of the family.

Luckily we have Sam Burdette with the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association to explain:
"All of a sudden you can have a dog fight there's nothing worse in the world than a dog fight. So, he acted quick, and a little bit rough I thought, but I understand why he reacted so quick. You're showing the dog what you want the dog to do and that's the way you handle dogs and the only way you can handle dogs.”
 So there you have it. A complete, succinct distillation of the training philosophies of  Victoria Stillwell, Paul Owens, Cesar Millan and Graham Bloem--if they were all on crack. Mr. Burdette, who by the way looks like the love child of the Stay Puft man and Mitch Mcconell, does admit that some people may not understand these highly technical procedures and he assured the public that he had "gratitude for the dogs that earn my living.”

Aspirins and gratitude, huh Major. Boy, it doesn't get much better than that. What's a slap in the face or a strained neck when you got all that going for you?

Major is a very happy and curious boy. He is on the go quite a bit as he has so much to investigate and learn about living in a home for the first time. Major is very friendly and loves to be around people. He loves to play with toys and is housebroken. Major will follow his foster mom and human foster sister around the house. He gets along with cats and large dogs but hasn't had a chance to meet any small dogs yet.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.